she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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