and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
