I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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