Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
