Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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