Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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