I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
