Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
