When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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