I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
