I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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