I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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