i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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