I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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