I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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