The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
