Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
