Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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