i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
