So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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