hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
