i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
