Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
