You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
