Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize