Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
