Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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