Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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