just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
