He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
