I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
