hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
