I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
