I just saw a hot homeless man
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
