I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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