how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
