Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
the condom got lost in my hair
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
