kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
