I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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