I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
