I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
