His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
