WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
