I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
