i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
