And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
