Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
