dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
