when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
