sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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