is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need moral support for this bender
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
