I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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