Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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