Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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