Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
