Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
