Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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