so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
