I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
