take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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