how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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