i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
