hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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