There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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