It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
