**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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