I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
