why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Randomize
