ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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