yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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