i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
