you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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