that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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