who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
