I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
