On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
