hell yes lets make some ravioli
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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