i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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