yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
